Why I Won’t Be a Humor Writer Anytime Soon
If I was to give a stand-up comedy act, it would probably go something like this.
“Well, I know like a mummy we are pressed for time. So I will get started.”
“A while back, there was an online discussion on Quora about electricians. I just had to put in my shocking two cents.” The room would go silent, so I’d probably go on.
“Electricians will never be worried about job shortages because any job report misses the times of power shortage.” More silence, maybe a couple of laughs. Still, I press on.
“How can I generate good joke electricians will even appreciate? Is there an alternative form of humor that is becoming more mainstream? Laughter generates wind, yes, but if we go too deep aren’t we risking digging into geothermal wells?” I just start to laugh at my corny wit (hey at least I think I’m funny) and still gauge the audience.
“I don’t know about electrical currents or anything like that, this might just leave some unwanted voltage. Maybe only electricians know how to jolt their own lines. Not that I don’t get a few zaps for trying.” Okay, so now the electrician jokes are starting to get old, so I change topics.
“Did everyone hear the startling news about the circus fire, by the way?” I stop for a few seconds, to give suspense. “Don’t worry, no one was hurt but everyone agreed it was very intense.” I pause here and laugh out loud at my own joke again while scanning the audience for tomato throwers.
“That was the same thing that could be said for the hiking Boy Scouts who came upon the Girl Scout camp. It was very intense.”
“I apologize if my humor is a bit corny, you can tell I grew up on a farm.” I pause, still amped by my continuing streak of humor.
“I want to thank you guys for your great fun. I was suspecting by now to be drenched in vegetable juice and wine from all of the random objects to be thrown at me.” I start to laugh at the next line before I say it.
“Actually I’m a little disappointed no vegetables have been tossed yet. I was hoping I didn’t have to drink my daily bottle of V8. You know, I could just do a quick cat bath of my shirt.” I hear some eews and see heads shaking in the audience.
“That’s wonderful! An eew is better than a boo!” I say. Then I wave, say a quick goodbye, and walk off a stage with some slow (or quicker) laughter.
Clearly, in my imagination, I am laughing so hard at my own corny, childish jokes that I can’t hear if the room is laughing or not. Better I am to keep my day job and also not take up stand-up comedy or humor writing anytime soon.
For this piece, I was inspired by the Medium publication The Haven and its amazing, brilliant, comical writers. Like most of the brilliant writing I see on Medium, I am amazed at your skill above my own and especially in awe at your ability to make readers laugh. I can only hope my brief article can invoke a few laughs or at least face-palms at my amateur attempt at humor writing.
Don’t worry, I’m not going to be doing a stand-up routine any time soon. Though I can dare to dream.
