I’ve Learned That Hindsight Is Not Always 20/20
And It Is Okay Not To Have Your Past (And Self) Not All Figured Out
“Life only makes sense as you look backward while moving forward.”
“Those who don’t learn from their past are bound to repeat it.”
“Hindsight is 20/20.”
In light of the New Year, I have seen many of these related quotes circulating in my social media feed. Yes, these adages are timeless. Just think how many of us look back on our lives and see how events and people helped to propel us in pivotal directions. Often, we find ourselves in such great humility and awe at how seemingly disparate places, events, and people coalesce in the rearview mirror. But as anyone who has traveled the road of life long enough likely learns, these adages do not always apply. Like many, I have learned the hard way that hindsight is not always 20/20.
You Cannot Go Back and Change Things
I remember one particularly low period of my life when I felt I had messed things up so horribly. How unimaginably dark the cloud I could not escape, as Paul describes in Romans 7:19: “For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do — this I keep on doing.” I prayed so hard that I could go back in time and revisit the past to correct every horrible mistake or misdeed.
Sadly, life does not work this way. On interstates, you may be able to easily correct missing an exit by getting off at the next one and turning around. But life is often a long and barely navigable gravel or dirt road where dust rising from passing cars never quite settles. Missed detours or turns can never be revisited.
Through those dark periods of life, the dust does eventually settle. There will indeed be reprieve when you look back and realize that Divine Guidance must have been seeing you through. But the pain, guilt, and other rough parts are certainly still there. The spiritual traditions certainly teach that you can find forgiveness, transformation, and means to make recompense. But that’s also a rough path that is sometimes profoundly narrow. Sometimes, an apology and reconciliation take a lifetime. However, you can certainly make the path to recompense a key part of your life’s journey.
What UnPredictable Shapes Can Life Take?
Ah, this road of life we are all journeying! Those unpredictable twists and turns. How many bends and forks? Where does it all lead?
But does the path always remain, well, a discernible path? Besides those patchy dirt or gravel roads, don’t some stretches of life seem more like the untrodden trails in the backwoods of timbers? You know, those types of paths that are so unmarked they almost just blend into everything else? How can we even discern then the shape our unique journey may take? How can we even begin to filter through the countless variables that may impact our journey? How can we factor in the few things we have direct control or understanding of and the vast majority of other things beyond our direct grasp?
And remember how we were just dwelling on the fact that you cannot change the past? Well, is it not ironic that the past can continue to reoccur in our present and future? It is almost like those unmarked trails in timbers and forests where the roots of trees one passed a while back can spring up and block the path. Additionally, we may stumble upon roots from trees up ahead that we have not encountered yet. Yes, perhaps the future also shapes our present in ways we cannot fathom.
But there is grandeur in life’s unpredictable forms and contours. Perhaps the more primal and wild the path, the closer to the primal and numinous energies of the Cosmos. Is it not when we veer off the set path that we find undiscovered riches and wonders? Is this not part of what Heidegger and others meant by living authentically?
Additionally, since we cannot grasp or control most of life’s variables, is this not the time to apply the serenity prayer? For instance, if the past and future coalesce on life’s path in ways we can hardly fathom then perhaps we can ditch the “shouldas,” “couldas,” and “wouldas” once and for all. Yes, maybe if we were to have done B instead of A, it would have prevented C. But how do we know if D, E, F, or G might have occurred instead?
Where Do Those Rosy Framed Lenses Come From?
Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear.
This seems difficult enough to follow, but then we throw in those rosy-colored lenses.
“Oh remember that kind of time that was oh so dainty and prime?” Cue music and fadeaway screen.
For me, the nostalgia sets in circa the late 1980s. My mind reels back a previous toddler version of myself. I’m a little three-year-old walking into the grocery store with my mom, older brother, and younger sister still in a stroller. Then I am 4 in October 1988. My dad brings me a brand new toy red International tractor. Fast forward to October 1989, I’m in preschool and my teacher and classmates are singing me happy birthday while a cake is soon savored. In our private Catholic elementary school library, I figure out the on switch for one of those old-time Apple Computers. Oh, how innocent and wondrous those times. How we all sometimes wish we could go back!
But the past was not all rosy and pink. Just like our current age, the late 80s was far from a simple time. I cannot imagine the struggles my parents faced raising three and then four kids on unpredictable farm revenue plus multiple additional jobs. In those U.S. Reagan era years, we bright young late Gen Xers and earliest millennials already had so many global problems hovering over our futures. 1988 summers brought an epic drought that dried up our family farm’s well and depleted the year’s crops. While our preschool class enjoyed a rare treat of “snow ice cream,” a concoction of clean outdoor snow mixed with vanilla and cinnamon flavoring, some parents expressed worries about the dangers of acid rain.
The wonder and beauty from previous eras certainly endures. But if hindsight is not always 20/20, let’s remember that shades in fanciful hues filter out even more of the reality. However, recalling the negative and dark aspects of past eras need not be a detractor. Rather, we can seek to better understand the past in all its hues and colors. Somehow, the good and positive constantly show themselves stronger than the darkest and lowest. Also, factors that were once barriers become stepping stones to new lessons and beginnings.
More Closely Examined Life Brings Greater Understanding
So, as we have briefly explored, hindsight may not always be 20/20. We cannot go back and change the past, nor can we even grasp or control most aspects of it(as is the same with everything really). But is that not part of the ever-abounding mystery and wonder of life itself? In truth, the more we reflect upon the past the more wisdom and humility we gain from realizing how little we know. We can strive to build a more meaningful life and continue to seek greater levels of understanding. We can savor innumerable new riches as life continues to unfold, and also take comfort in the truth that we do not have to have everything figured out. This closer examination may indeed bring 20/20 vision in many places where it was not possible before, or as close to 20/20 vision as we can get.
