Drop These Phrases If You Want To Be Kinder and More Considerate
Frankly, They Are Past Old
“Be kinder than necessary,” the old saying goes, “For everyone is fighting some sort of unknown battle.”
Ah, what a wonderful, timeless bit of wisdom! Certainly, kindness helps move the world. But let’s face it, another reason we may need to be kinder is much closer to us. Perhaps we need to be kinder than necessary in great part because each of us can be unintentionally cruel. Here are just a few phrases that because they are so commonly used we have forgotten how offensive they can be. Maybe the time has come to put these phrases into the box of yesterday’s idioms. Frankly, they are way past old.
“Earth to so and so.. get with the program!”
So often, we hear some version of this phrase used in workplaces, classrooms, or even between family members.
Maybe if you are a teacher in front of thirty kids or a manager trying to keep order in a busy workplace, this phrase even seems profoundly appropriate. Indeed, the success of organizations, businesses, numerous group activities, and even society in general depends in great part on people being in sync to at least some degree.
But come on now, how much is anyone really on the same page? Just scroll down your Instagram or Facebook feed to see how many contrary viewpoints and personality types you come across. Quite often, those people who hold some of the greatest proficiencies and intellects in the room are the people who seem not to be in the room. One common example of this was Albert Einstein. The founder of the theory of relativity was thought to have a learning disability by his parents and even flunked out of entrance exams to prestigious academies. Additionally, how often is the person who receives these words carrying whole worlds on their shoulders or in truth quite ahead of the game from their distinct starting point? Yes, everyone needs to be able to connect, participate, and cooperate in numerous group situations and environments. But if you are telling someone “to get with the program,” how hard would it be to pull them aside and try to gauge a little deeper where they are coming from and if there is anything you can do to help?
You Should Know That
I remember thirteen years ago, I transferred to a new grocery store in the major store chain I’d worked with off and on since high school. Part of my onboarding was to work a shift with one of the day stock managers before I would be turned loose on the night crew. For the whole shift, I seemed to be off-kilter and not knowledgeable of basic tasks or procedures. As I punched out at the end of my shift, I overheard one of the store managers speaking with the HR rep, “He didn’t know how to do anything.”
The store was three times the size of the one I’d worked at for years. Yes, I had spent much of the shift wandering the aisles. .but I was trying to help direct browsing customers to the right aisle for their desired items. Yes, I had been slow at stocking items. .but I had not stocked anything for a few years as my job at the previous store had been mainly operating the cash register. In time, I did improve my game enough to be considered for the assistant night manager role.
The thing is, there is a level of unbounded complexity to anything where multiple viewpoints have value. And is it not the case that the more you learn about anything, the more you realize how little you know? Let’s say that someone has risen through all of the echelons of education that they receive their Ph.D. in a field. Not only is it the case that they will hardly be novices in any other subject areas beyond their specialization( a scholar with a Ph.D. in entomology likely won’t know the first thing about meteorology or the history of accordion playing), but they will hardly ever be scraping from the surface of their unique domain of expertise.
Yes, we should expect competence when we go to the doctor or auto mechanic. Yes, things run smoothly if people are up on their game and crossing t’s while dotting i’s. We don’t even need to simply tolerate people being off in the clouds when they should be tending to matters right in front of them. Just because the sea of the unknown is unboundedly vast doesn’t mean we shouldn’t keep our compass and sails as fine-tuned as possible. But let’s not get so presumptuous that we ever begin to assume what anyone is supposed to know.
Isn’t it a better method to ask questions and engage with someone who seems to have a different learning style, method, or whole point of view? “What part of this task or question are you having trouble with?” “What questions do you have or what knowledge and insight do you need for this problem?” “What do you understand and what do you not understand?” These are questions that at least offer a starting point for most of us humans only operating from one small dot on the planet Earth, itself smaller than a speck in but one galaxy of trillions.
I Guess That’s Your Opinion
You are talking to a friend or family member about politics, sports, or some spiritual topic, and you feel inspired to share one of your most deeply held beliefs or insights about the topic. Before you know it, the other person abruptly spits out, “I guess that’s your opinion!” The conversation is soon over.
We hear so many remarks about opinions, don’t we? Everyone has them, though opinions are far from the only forms of credence one may give to a tenet or premise. And isn’t it strange how everyone is entitled to their opinion yet no one has the right to judge? Yes, opinions have relational value and qualified truth. However, if opinions are “beliefs stronger than impressions yet less strong than positive knowledge,” how much dialogue and sharing is taking place between people if they are just throwing their opinions at one another?
Perhaps we don’t want others just to hear our opinions. Perhaps we want them to listen to us and consider our opinions in relation to our deeper reasonings, insights, and understandings which are all stemming from our perspective. Maybe the next time we hear someone go on about their opinions and positions, instead of responding with the aforementioned fast phrase we can take the time to gauge the deeper meaning and reasoning behind their views.
If we take the time to do this, might we be in a better place to at least see where they are coming from and even begin to modify our viewpoints as well? We don’t necessarily have to agree with the person and may not even understand their perspective. But we can at least be open to the prospect that their insights and views carry as much weight as ours. Also, it is through considering others’ points of view that we can begin to offer constructive critiques and challenges in addition to our appreciation(and be in a better position to fine-tune or modify our own views).
“Oh grow up, will you!” “It’s time to be an adult!”
I just love it when I hear people ostracize others with phrases like these. For some reason, those people do not seem to be acting mature enough or prim and proper enough. It just brings to mind the image of a group of diplomats at a state dinner all rising to pay honors to the Queen or President. What if someone had bad gas and stunk up the room? What if someone has to sneeze?
I love the William Wordsworth line: “The child is the father of the man.” When we approach life as adults, is it not about utilizing both the best traits of our child self as well as our adult self? Yes, we want to be mature, show consideration of others, be responsible, and behave in ways that do not offend or violate others, yes. But don’t we also want to harness our inner creativity, keep our sense of wonder, and never stop being humble at the unlimited vastness and endless mystery of the Cosmos? The world is a big, wondrous, amazing, topsy-turvy place, and even the most well-adjusted of adults do not have it all together. Sometimes it’s okay to cry or laugh out of place or to just be out of sorts(in moderation, of course). Why, instead of judging how others or we ourselves are supposed to be acting, how about we respond to each situation with as much integrity, love, care, and propriety as we can? Yes, we do want to be mature and reasonable and act appropriately when appropriate. But also, let’s remember it is okay for others and ourselves to be human.
And so, we have explored some phrases that may be so commonly used that we do not even think about their deeper meaning.
Maybe now that we have considered them, we will pause the next time situations beckon for their use. Of course, we have barely scratched the surface here. Numerous other phrases or idioms may be so commonplace that we use them without considering their possible negative impact. What are some catchphrases or idioms that you find to be unbelievably untenable or even downright cruel?
Sure, it may be unsettling to consider how we can all be so mean to one another at times. But is it not reassuring that we can make great strides to become even more kind and considerate just by even those small steps of closely examining the words and phrases we so commonly use?
