Bluntness Is Okay At Times, But Still Be Kinder Than Necessary
You Would Hate to Inadvertently Be a “Detractor”
Sometimes, Medium writers are downright blunt and critical. Generally, it seems they are directly pointing out the negative and offering an honest dissection of messy topics when necessary. This is all good and even praiseworthy. But on this amazing platform(as well as other online spaces), I would also make the point to remember kindness and care. Given how tough and bleak the world seems for so many right now — and considering how writing is a main means for all of us to express feelings and viewpoints while also exploring deeper meanings and insights — kindness truly goes a long ways.
I am not saying these articles are cruel or spreading negative energy. Quite the opposite, many are offering a much needed blunt and hard-core honesty that doesn’t sugarcoat possibly unsettling realities. We have articles like this one, for instance, from writer Daniel Mesa exploring why some top writers supposedly have sub-par talent but still yield numerous followers and revenue. Though the article seems quite blunt in some parts, it does show a positive conclusion for how top Medium extraordinaire Tim Denning allures readers by exploring unique, fresh ideas. Sometimes you have to be a tough critic to bring strong points home, that is fine.
For another example, we have this short piece from major writer Julia Hubbel speaking out against “Medium vermin” who try to draw followers by spam-like comments inviting reading and following. Again, this is actually commendable and wonderful of the writer to so openly address such a possibly hair-pulling reality — Medium, too, has its spammers. Certainly, it is understandable that many of these Medium users(perhaps some shadow accounts of spam users) should perhaps be ignored, reported, or blocked. In this cyberspace, digital, social media heavy age, how could we ever tell them apart from inexperienced users who genuinely just want to connect?
Articles like these — mixed in with their criticism and bluntness — are insightful, well-argued, and all too necessary. But juxtaposed next to these necessary articles, let’s never forget to reel in the articles and comments with positive energy flowing.
I guess I’m a diffident and scatterbrained sort on a lot of fronts. Throughout my life, I’ve often known to be overly nice, a stranger to anger, and often prone to a child-like naive sort of optimism that just wants to say “oh isn’t that just so very nice.” These certainly are positive traits, and they have carried me through a lot of tough seasons and experiences. But the other side of such traits is not always so pretty. When I do get finally get to a point of offering criticism or bluntly calling out the not-so-pretty parts of life, I sometimes end up doing so in a very abrasive manner. And then I become my own worst alter-ego.
Almost twenty years ago (not too long ago really), I was a senior in high school taking an advanced writing course. Part of our class project was to review submissions and select the top pieces to be printed in our school’s annual creative writing magazine. While we were selecting and critiquing pieces, I came across a poem with a different writing style. All of a sudden, I started laughing loudly at some of the lines. Then, I actually turned to a classmate and shared a line before reciting, “this is just so tacky. I can’t believe someone would actually put that in a piece.” This was a very dark moment, for sure, mainly because I later learned the writer of the poem was also in the class.
This was entirely not like me. At 18, I had developed into this positive version of myself who always made sure to smile and say hello to others and try to offer kindness and help to anyone I could. In the “rough and tough” world of high school where everyone was super-competitive in everything from grades to college achievement tests to extracurricular activities to social standards, I actually believed so strongly the maxim “everyone is smart in their own way” and often marveled at how amazing people around me were. What had led me to act this way? It had nothing to do with the poem. The writing was actually brilliant, well-drafted, fresh, and unique. The problem was me. At that point in my life, I had really become adept as a critical reader or analyzer. Even though I so strongly valued the prospect of multiple viewpoints different from my own, I had little experience constructively interacting with many of those viewpoints. So, when this fresh and original piece came before me, showing language and vision from a different point of view than my own, I inadvertently became a belittler and cruel detractor. Instead of offering positive feedback and constructive criticism, I did what we all sometimes naturally do and turn to mocking what was not familiar to me.
As we grow older, we learn more constructive methods for offering both positive and negative feedback. One such way is engaging in respectful dialogue. Such dialogue involves learning how to marvel at the positive and amazing on the one hand while also offering constructive criticism on what may be misapplied or needing improvement on the other hand. Certainly this is true when encountering others’ amazing works of writing. It is also true in countless other domains, including considering others’ distinct experiences and points of view(as well as our own). One such example when in dialogue with another about a complex topic might go something like this: “Wow, you have come across such amazing insights I would have never considered regarding such and such. But with your breadth of wisdom, you would also certainly acknowledge your insights are invalid in many contexts, correct?”
Now, such dialogue is just one method for offering praise or criticism. Some methods of interaction have to be a lot tougher. Often, one is required to pull up their sleeves and jump in the boxing ring, unafraid to throw a few punches. Many cats, like myself, might rightfully avoid such things. We prefer to trot along happily and keep a much needed positive spin. But then we can too easily bite and scratch in an overtly abrasive, petulant manner when things get even slightly out of whack. Others, like the writers of the pieces mentioned above, are much more adept at fighting a little with the messy and dark side of things — not being afraid to dissect the most gory of parts and bluntly reveal the most troubling of insights.
Overall, I would say kudos to writers like Mesa and Hubbel and to keep at it. One thing I would detract from personally is making sure not to be too overly blunt by avoiding calling some writers’ work **it or some users who may be very real people vermin. But then again, this is perhaps just a difference in style and in cases like this I generally say “take things with a grain of salt.” In addition to these much needed styles of bluntness and shamelessly taking on the negative, I also would just make the point to remember the positive and uplifting pieces. Also, keep at the front of mind the necessity of kindness, care, and spreading positive energy.
On the internet and social media, there are too many instances of the darkest places where people can be downright cruel. The same is true in the world. Kindness, care, positive energy, and compassion are certainly always absolutely necessary, and most truly prove stronger than any of the most negative of things. If you offer even a small act of kindness or positive energy, you are sure to receive it back many times over. A thoughtful comment after a piece mixed with constructive criticism can help you gather a new avid follower. An uplifting piece — along with pieces that might pull the tail of the skunk when needed — can bring immeasurable enrichment to numerous readers and leave a lasting positive impact in the greater world at large.
